Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Proverbs 31:28-30
I close up this series with a bit of my own testimony. Perhaps that’s why it’s taken so long for me to finish up the series, nearly 6 months after I started. Exhortation is easy. Authenticity is harder. Plus, God’s not done with me yet and continues to work in me and through me. But this seems like the right place and the right time.
At the end of the day, I wrote this series because embracing who I am has been one of my biggest battles. My fight for my femininity and beauty has been an ongoing one and is one that has taken me 30 years to begin to win. My journey in studying Proverbs 31 is ultimately about discovering for myself what scriptures say is valuable, and to remember who I am in light of what matters.
As a single woman now in her 30s (gasp) living in America, I have seen how much of my worth has been wrongfully placed, and it has deeply affected my spirit, soul, mind, and body.
Growing up, I’ve always struggled with my worth and value. When I was a little girl, people lavished praises upon me for my beauty, my tiny stature, my smile, my dimples, my cute dresses… As school began, so did the struggles with acceptance. I was bullied in various circles (my precious two little braids were constant targets). My weight slowly began to increase, and I was bullied more. I had swung the other way completely, and no longer was I receiving praise for my appearance, but rather, criticism. I felt like I was constantly made aware of how undesirable I was.
In high school and college, I continued to struggle trying to belong- by this point, I was hiding behind incredibly baggy XL t-shirts— well-aware of my inadequacies, but fully unaware of what I could do to help myself. I saw a world where appearances seemed to be central and watched as guys around me seemed to consistently dream about girls that were cute and pretty, which I did not consider myself to be at all. While other people were participating, I was on the outside observing, building up an identity for myself that was marked by low self-esteem and worth. I wanted to embrace my femininity, but I just couldn’t as I saw my own body image conflicting with that which my world told me was right and good.
I saw myself as unworthy and unlovable, and despite growing up in the church and following after Jesus and hearing about His love for me, it didn’t change the way I viewed myself. I first read this verse in Proverbs in college… a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised… I remember reading this, thinking it seemed so contrary to what I was feeling and seeing around me. I immediately printed it up and put it up on my wall.
In these past few years, I have been trying to let this truth soak in. Many times, I’ve looked at the words, unable to believe in its truth. I knew I feared the Lord… but is it true? That is what’s worth praising? It doesn’t seem to match up with the world around me. My diseased roots about my identity were so deep.
However, I have found the Lord helping me to embrace my worth. This past year especially has been pivotal in stepping into who I am. I remember towards the end of the year, on a personal day with Jesus (See my post 11:11), I felt the Lord telling me I needed to embrace what He thought of me above all else. That is where I would find my worth and beauty. That day was pivotal to where I am today.
For me, that meant that I realized I need to take on what God thinks above what the world thinks. And that is the beginning of what it means to fear the Lord. And that is absolutely where I find my worth.
And it shouldn’t be surprising, but it was in being able to embrace my worth as one who fears the Lord that has helped me to walk into greater confidence in my outward appearance. I find myself far more comfortable in my skin, and far more willing to let my outer self reflect how I feel inwardly. I enjoy dressing up, looking nice, and getting compliments now.
But at the end of the day, I know that’s not what matters. What matters is that I continue to be a woman after God’s own heart. That is my worth, and I am priceless in God’s eyes. And I rest in that place knowing I am of great worth.
I want to spend my days becoming somebody who reflects God’s character, because I now know that is what truly is to be praised. I wrote this series, because I wanted to remind myself of this truth. I go back to my very first entry. Who we are is so much more important than who we’re with. Let all that I do be rooted from a place of deep reverence for an Almighty God. Thank you to the many who have walked with me on this journey, have reminded me who I am, and have encouraged me that I am to be praised because I am one who walks with the Lord.
My fellow sisters: If men want to chase women the way the world dictates, so be it. Don’t let that determine your emotions and your value. Spend your time getting the attention of God, not men. Let His view of you shape you, and let that determine who you are on the outside as well. Don’t ever believe for a minute that it’s worth neglecting your relationship with God for the sake of getting the attention of men… You’ll attract the wrong kind of guy anyways.
My brothers: Her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Go deep in God, listen to His word, let Him speak to you about what true beauty is, and you will find a Proverbs 31 woman, and she will be of great worth to you.
